Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
