Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
