Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
