Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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