Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
