at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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