i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
