Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
