I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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