We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
