WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
