i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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