so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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