God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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