I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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