Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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