Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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