I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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