you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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