I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
