So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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