her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
