summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Be still, my beating vagina.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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