You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
