Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
