i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
