We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have aggressive nipples.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
