Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
