I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
babies were throwing up all over the place
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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