i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
