You really coming over, don't trick.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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