I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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