so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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