And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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