every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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