at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
