i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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