five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
