The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
