I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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