it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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