Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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