Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
