i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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