Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
there was a trapeze. enough said
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize