i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
