You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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