I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
