I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
