There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
