she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
