I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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