Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
