he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
