And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
