this beer tastes like vomit already
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
