dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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