I'm lost and stupid without you.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
