i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
sarcasm needs its own font
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
