so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
