Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
