Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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