And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
