Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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