everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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