Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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