just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
