If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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