That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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