Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize