She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
