I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
