I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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