You smell like stripper and shame
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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