Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Also, beer. Big fan.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize