Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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