if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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