hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
