We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
