You really coming over, don't trick.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
