He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
